next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
