I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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