thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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