Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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