i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
