Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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