I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
