My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
