I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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