I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
