Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
