Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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