my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
