I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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