shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
