i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So many bounce houses so little time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
