do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
