You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
