WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
