He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize