Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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