I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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