I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
