Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
