I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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