I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
