Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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