there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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