first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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