We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
