Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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