Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
