Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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