his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize