theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
