Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
