New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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