My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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