i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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