after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
