i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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