Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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