i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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