It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
