so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
