My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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