Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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