my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
