their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
