No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
