I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
