After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
