My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
