dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
