Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
