Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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