i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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