We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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