Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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