I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
