Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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