I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
