JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
