Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
