I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
