No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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