I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
