mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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