Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
