Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
