Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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