I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
