Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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