If i come over, it means nothing
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
