So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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